no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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