if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
