Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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