Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
