The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
