That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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