just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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