All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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