I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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