Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
