i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
