Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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