The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
