He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
