You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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