currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
