I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
