Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
