i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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