ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
