Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
no, he came in my armpit
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
