I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
whose ass print is on the piano?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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