The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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