so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
