you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
