I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
