dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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