so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
