I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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