She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
