I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize