batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
