All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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