I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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