There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
