Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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