they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
