i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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