all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
