I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
