One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize