Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
