yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
