Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
