i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize