he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
