if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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