remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize