matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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