The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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