Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
