yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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