you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i out mim tonsoeep
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