I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
