hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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