I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize