I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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