White coat. Heels.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
