I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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