the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Operation Purity has been aborted
Less talking, more tequila
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
