I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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