have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
