Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
