she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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