During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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