Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
