Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize