I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
