The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
