I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
