just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
