She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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