I'm going to jail i love you
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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