Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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