It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
