How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
