I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
