some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
