The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
