no, he came in my armpit
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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