Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
