hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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