I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
