Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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