I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
