I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
