She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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