Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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