If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize