I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
