i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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