How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She bit a glass in half.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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