____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
