So drunk its hurt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
