Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
