i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
