if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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