Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
