Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
