i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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