Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
