People in love make me want to vomit
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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