A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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