no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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