and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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