If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
