I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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