She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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